My own darkness

Excuse my Rouge Eye Brows, No time to tame them!

"Never going to be" it appears that this has become my mantra an ever repeating phrase that plays it's own staccato beat within my soul. Negativity has become my own dark passenger, even the positive has morphed. I've become a master of masks, each day I'm becoming numb not knowing what to feel anymore. I'm not depressed but I'm certainly not happy, not sad but probably not angry just am. More and more when stare into my own eyes, I don't like what I see staring back. Where there used be light now resides darkness. I must be my own worst enemy, I should of learned to conform to fit everybody's mould of what I should be, who I should be, How I should feel, How I should act, How I should dress, How I should live, what I should like, what I should like, who I should like and who I shouldn't. But I just can't do it. Damn it I've tried,tried and tried again but the mould will never fit nor will I contort to fit. If I were to contort I'd no longer just not like what I see in the eyes staring back, I'll hate the person in the mirror because there would be nothing left of me just stuff to make everyone else happy with me. Is that really worth it?  Everyone's happiness with me in exchange for living in my own personal misery and hell. They say only the smallest fleck of light is needed to keep the darkness at bay so for now I'll hang on to that tiny barely there speak of light and not let this darkness consume.